Burping and Bar Fights
by Speedy Speck
Summary: Reno bets Yuffie she can't act lady like for three days...One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: This is my twenty-fifth fanfic...It's a RenoxYuffie of course...and I think it's ok...again though I'm not sure I'm completely happy with it...oh well! And it was requested by 'The Sacred and Profane'...Hope it's good! :) PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :D

''BUURRP!'' The young ninja was lying on the sofa next to her Turk boyfriend, holding an empty soda can in her right hand, and the television remote in the other.

Reno looked at the young ninja with slight disgust, ''Yo, slob! Can I have the remote please?''

''No way I don't wanna watch your crappy programs...''

The Turk looked at his girlfriend for a while in thought, ''...Ok, how about a bet? And if I win I get the remote for a whole week, no arguments?''

The ninja looked at him with interest...''And what happens if I win?''

''You can choose something...''

She seemed to be considering it for a few moments before grabbing the Turk's hand and shaking it firmly, ''Deal, what's the bet then?''

''I bet that you can't act lady like for three whole days...''

''I am lady like!'' The girl crossed her arms in protest.

The red head began laughing ''Yeah...sure you are...you burp all the time! You don't show any respect for others, you lie about on the sofa all day stuffing your face and you have some of the worst manners I've ever seen!''

Yuffie's expression was one of both outrage and slight agreement. ''Fine...fine! I can do that! Easy peasy!''

Reno just raised a rather sceptical eyebrow, ''Hm...we'll see, I better be off, Tseng gets crabby when I'm late...''

''That's because you're always late...'' The red head gave her a small grin before placing a soft kiss on her cheek and leaving the room.

As soon as the young ninja heard the door slam behind her boyfriend she jumped up and ran to the phone and before long she was pleading with her friend, ''Tifa! You need to come over NOW! I really really need your help...''

* * *

It was late morning when the young woman arrived, and she was barley through the door when the ninja began dragging her into the living room, rather hastily explaining the situation.

''Well this shouldn't be to hard...I mean you can't be that bad...right?''

The ninja just shrugged her shoulder's at Tifa before relaxing back into a rather manly sitting position.

The young woman thought for a moment before an idea stuck her, ''I'm gunna ask you some questions...to test your basic instincts...so I know what I'm working with...ok?''

Yuffie just nodded her head while at the same time yawning widely.

''Ok let's just say...you're on the couch, with Reno and you feel the need to...pass some wind...what do you do?''

Yuffie paused for a moment before answering rather gleefully, ''Let out a huge potent butt burp into the pillow behind me, then ram it into his face and hold it there so he has to breath in all of my deadly cabbage-gas!''

Tifa just looked at her wide eyed, ''Ok...let's try another, how about you notice lipstick on his shirt collar which definitely isn't yours, what do you do?''

The young ninja again paused in thought for a moment before returning yet another worrying answer, ''Well he's obviously been cheating, so I'd wrestle him to the ground, tie him up with a steel cable, then have fun tearing him several new holes with a metal fire poker...Then hang him naked upside down outside my bedroom window with a huge sigh pointing towards his bum saying 'Hey everyone! Look at my stupid scrawny ass! Please feel free to throw sharp pointy objects.' ''

The young woman was definitely starting to feel sorry for Reno...something she never thought she'd do. ''Moving on...ok, it's 'that time of the month' and Reno keeps pestering you for some...attention, you obviously don't want to do this, so what do you say to him?''

''That's easy! Just say 'Not a chance Turk boy! Why don't you go spank the monkey instead, seeing as though you love him so much?' then pull the blanket off him and go to sleep.''

''Hm...right, ok let's try something different, how are you with cooking, and cleaning? Stuff like that?''

''Well the other week he told me I had to clean up the bedroom, even though it so wasn't me who made it messy to begin with, but that's not the point! I did it anyway!...though when I found some of his dirty underwear by MY side of the bed, I took some photographs, and posted a copy to his boss with a note saying, 'Dear Tseng, please give me a raise so I can afford continence pants. Thank you.' because there is no way I was gunna let him get away with leaving me to do his dirty work. Not that I do any of my own cleaning...I mean come on...I'm a princess...I'm to delicate...'' Yuffie pulled what she thought was a cute, feminine smile, but after what she'd just said the young woman couldn't see anything other than dirty pants.

A few moments of silence passed before Tifa finally managed to get some quiet words out, ''You...did...oh dear lord...this is gunna take a while...''

Four long hours later the young bartender finally felt like she was getting somewhere with the young ninja.

''Ok so you're out to dinner at a fancy restaurant...what do you do?''

''I chew with my mouth closed, giggle at all his jokes, not matter how terrible they are...engage in conversation whilst tolerating the horrible onion breath coming from his pie hole. Oh and thank him afterwards for a wonderful evening.''

''Very good! At what do you NOT do?''

''Sit there with my legs apart, chewing with my mouth open...pointing out other people's terrible fashion sense. Oh and whilst Reno is talking, I shouldn't squint my eyes, open my mouth wide while chewing something and go, 'BLAAAAH!' coz it's just not pleasant!''

The young woman nodded her head, proud that she'd actually managed to accomplish something, ''Well done...''

Yuffie clapped her hands excitedly, ''I can do this for three days, piece of cake!''

* * *

Two days had passed and the young ninja had actually been doing quite well. It would have seemed that the bartender had been able to get through to her.

The first night Reno had in fact taken her out for dinner, with the intention of getting her to fail the bet immediately. He had after all taken her out before, and she had been anything other than lady like. So the Turk was much surprised when the young ninja folded her napkin, and sipped at her soup with much daintiness.

The second day, Reno didn't have to work, much to Yuffie's dismay. The young girl had to be on full alert as he constantly tried to make her slip up. The Turk left the house work up to her, saying that it was 'her turn'. The ninja proceeded to do all the washing, and much to Reno's amusement the ironing (which he knew she hated the most), though he had to admit she did it well, he'd never seen his suit so pristine. He also left the cooking up to the young female, though afterwards he wished he hadn't, although she tried her best, he could have sworn the fish on his plate was twitching...

It was the third night now, and Yuffie only had to be lady like for a couple more hours if she was to win. The pair had gone out to Tifa's bar in the hopes of having a quiet drink, as the place was never to busy on a Thursday. When they got there however they found it to be quite full.

As they approached the bar, Tifa looked at the young ninja in desperation, ''Yuffie, I don't suppose you could give me a hand for a bit?''

Yuffie turned to her boyfriend, ''Is that ok sweetie?''

''Yo, fine by me, just don't hog her all night ok!''

The bartender gave Reno a small smirk before turning to instruct Yuffie in what needed to be done. The red head sat at the bar for a few minutes before waving Tifa over and ordering a drink. As the young woman poured the amber liquid into the glass below she decided to find out how Yuffie had been doing concerning the bet, ''So how's it going? Yuffie been lady like enough for you?...''

''Hm...'' The red head seemed somewhat unsure.

''What's wrong I thought you wanted her to be more...feminine and demure, you know all that stuff?

''...I'm not really so sure any more...I mean don't get me wrong I've enjoyed having a quieter Yuffie, and it has been a hell of a lot easier to take her out but...it's also been...well for want of a better word...boring!''

''How do you mean?''

''Well...she just sits there agreeing with me all the time! It's actually very frustrating...and she doesn't make me laugh any more...If I'm being honest I can't wait for tonight to be over and for her to go back to her own crazy self!''

''Aww! Aren't you a sweetie pie!'' Tifa pitched his cheek mockingly before giving him a genuine smile. ''Well I'm glad you've learnt to appreciate her wacky ways...''

It was then Reno noticed a rather tarty looking female approaching him.

''Well hello there...'' Her voice was soft and syrupy.

''Yo.'' The red head really wasn't in the mood to have to deal with another woman but he didn't really know how to tell her to get lost.

''You here on your own?''

''Erm no I'm with a girlfriend, but she's helping out the-'' The female had put her hand on his leg and had begun to stroke it further towards his thigh.

''Yo...what...what are you doing?'' He really wasn't comfortable with this.

''I'm coming on to you...'' The woman raised a seductive eyebrow before closing in on the poor confused looking Turk.

Yuffie had just served a customer when she caught sight of a sluty looking female getting way to close to her Turk. The first thought to enter the ninja's mind was to rip the woman's head off with her bare hands for even looking at her boyfriend, but as she gazed at the clock hanging from the bar wall, she found there was still nearly two hours before the bet was over, and beating another female was hardly going to be considered as ladylike... But the more Yuffie looked at the pair the more agitated she became.

_Come on Yuffie...you're meant to act like a lady...what would a lady do...damn Tifa didn't cover this... _It was then that the woman planted a rather passionate kiss on her boyfriend, while the Turk tried desperately to push her away,_ ...oh bollocks to this! _In a flash the young ninja was on top of the bimbo and had started pummelling her with all her might.

''Keep...your grimy hands...off...my...boyfriend!''

For a good five minutes she was basically wrestling with the woman, and while it was quite entertaining to watch, Reno thought maybe he better split them up.

He approached her cautiously, ''Erm Yuffie...''

The ninja turned around with a rather angry look on her face, ''WHAT?''

''Maybe...maybe we should...erm...go home?'' He asked tentatively, unsure of her reaction. To his relief though she gave a quick nod and jumped up, leaving the woman lying dazed on the ground.

When they got out of the bar, Reno gave her a pat on the back, ''That was some fight!''

The ninja sighed, ''I guess that means I've lost though...''

Her boyfriend put his hands on his hips and raised both eyebrows, ''Well yeah...but you lost in a magnificent way!''

She giggled and grabbed the Turk's hand. And one the way home she splashed in all the puddles, not caring how dirty she got, while Reno looked on in amusement, glad to have his girlfriend back.

* * *

The following week Yuffie was forced to watch the most terrible programs, but also burped to her heart's content. And Reno didn't mind a bit.


End file.
